Dave calls up his local newspaper....

[Chrisbis]

This chap, named Dave, calls up his local newspaper advertising department.
"Hello", he says....."Can you tell me how much you charge to place an advert in your paper?"
.
The salesman outlines his pricing:-" Its £5.00 per inch Sir".......
.
"Blood hell !!!.........that's terribly expensive!" explodes Dave......
"Why?" replies the sales assistant " What is it you want to sell?"
.
"A forty foot ladder!" Dave responds.....

[Chrisbis]

My mum's fav ......
_______________

Ethell was telling her neighbour Phyllis, over the adjoining wall, about the incident that had happened last week...

"Well, it all started when I ask my Bert to go down to the bottom of the garden,
and pick a cabbage from the veg patch for lunch"

"Is that's all that happened? " enquires Phyllis

"Oh No" exclaims Ethell
"He was gone ages, and the dinner was spoiling,
so I went down to the back of our garden to see what he had been up to"

"What did you find him doing?" asks Phyllis

"Bert was DEAD on the ground Phyllis!" shouts Ethell in response

"Oh you poor love, what a shock!..........What did you do then Ethell" Phyllis replies, on hearing the dreadful news..

"Well" Ethell retorts..." I had to open a tin of peas!!"